Saturday, November 3, 2012

Worst Present Ever


Since it was my birthday and I had been walking around town all day, I decide that I needed a massage (a legit one if that’s what you’re thinking).  I found a nice-looking place not too far from the hotel and decided that it looked safe enough.  I went in and noticed that the price was almost 5x what it was in Indonesia, but I figured that Singapore is most definitely not Indonesia.  I went into the room and in walks this older lady – not exactly what I was hoping for, but she looked like she had been massaging for decades.  She started on my feet and poked around my ankle and told me to let her know when I feel pain.  I start to hurt and tell her that spot was painful.  She says, “OK,” and then preceded to go at the pain with everything she had: fingers, knuckles, and elbows.  It was excruciating, and I begged her to go softer. 

Her: This good for you.
Me:  Why are you hurting me?
Her: You’ll be fine after.
Me: But I want to be fine now.  Stop grinding your knuckles into my bone.
Her: Haha, you’ll be fine.

She continued to inflict massive amounts on pain onto my back and shoulders – areas that didn’t even hurt before.  She had this amazing ability to find tender areas and completely fuck me over.  After possibly the longest hour of my life, I headed out and noticed that there were quotes all over the walls of the place.  “This is not for the weak of spirit.  They will work out knots that you didn’t even know you had.” “Be prepared for the most intense experience of you’re life.”  Why the hell do I not read stuff??  I went to leave and the receptionist warns me: the areas that hurt during the massage will be sore tomorrow.  Awesome…exactly what I needed.

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